relationships

this is my take on relationships and the boundaries that should exist within them:

according to dictionary.com relationship is defined by:

1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.

according to urbandictionary.com

1. any type of connection that brings two individuals together for a period of time
2. something other than a friends with benefits
3. more than a mutual understanding!!

the way I see it, a relationship is finding the right person to live the rest of your life with...building the relationship and friendship to the point of marriage til the very end of time

today, it doesn't seem that the original meaning and passion of relationships remain...this is sad to think about. Our generation has turned love into a feeling and emotion of right here and now rather than something worth pursuing for life.

often times in relationships there are instances when the passion and love gets so emotional that people get hurt and later regret their action...sex OUTSIDE of marriage hurts EVERYONE...even though it doesn't seem like it...I know that I am not an expert in this, but from my experience with friends and their relationships when they got intimate, there were repercussions...regret, shame, and so much more...also the way a guy's brain is wired, seeing women naked seems to .....well let's just say this: guys are visually stimulated and when they see naked women their mind goes to places it shouldn't and for women...they are stimulated by touch...all of this is simply how the body is wired to work...

in relationships and even friendships there needs to be boundaries on both sides (guys side and girls side)...at my youth group during the Big Group and Small Group Sex Talk (yes it is an annual topic) there is a ladder thing that is handed out for everyone to talk home and think about...it goes something like this (will put in the handout later today):

Steps to Sex:

1. Looking at a guy or girl and making eye contact. A good sign that they are interested in you is that they return eye contact and smile.
2. Talking with a guy or girl. Remember to stock up some really good conversation topics for comfortable and fascinating conversation.
3. Holding hands. This is a nice sign of attachment. It says you like each other. Your relationship is growing.
4. Hands on shoulders and hands on waist. A definite sign that romance is in the air.
5. Kissing on the cheek or softly kissing on the lips. These are sweet, innocent signs of affection.
6. Open-mouthed, passionate kissing. A new desire awakens with this.
7. Petting (sexual touching) while clothed.
8. “Experimental” nakedness.
9. Sexual Intercourse/Oral Sex

as said previously, I will put in the handout later to today...so check back for it...

in regards to age gaps, I get annoyed. This is because many times people go out with people either way too old for them or way too young for them...the way I see it, if the gap is MORE than 3 years UH OH...if it is UNDER 3 years WOOHOO.... also, when there is a minor (under 18) involved things get really tricky and sticky...to be honest, no adult (18 or older) should go out with a minor unless the age difference is 1 year...often this is not the case...some one I know is 16 and in a relationship with a 22 year old and having sex and probably partying too...I feel this is wrong in everyway possible. To be friends is one thing but to be getting intimate is another...and with the 16 year old being a minor and still in high school and having sex is a no no for me...and the 22 year old really should know better...

in most states no adult (18 or older) should be in a relationship with a minor otherwise statutory rape could be the result for the adult varying state by state...

http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-R-0376.htm

according to this site, each state has determined the boundaries that should be in place...for the State of Washington,

"--First-degree rape of a child to have sexual intercourse with a person less than age 12 years and the actor is at least 24 months older
>five years to life in prison
---Second-degree rape of a child to have sexual intercourse with a person who is at least 12 but less than 14 years old if the actor is at least 36 months older than the victim
>five years to life in prison
---Third-degree rape of a child to have sexual intercourse with a person age 14 or 15 if the actor is at least 48 months older than the victim
>Up to five years in prison"

for the State of California:

"--Anyone who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a person under age 18 and the actor is not more than three years older or three years younger, is guilty of a misdemeanor
>up to one year in county jail
---Anyone who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a person under age 18 who is more than three years younger than the actor is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony
>up to one year in county jail or by imprisonment in the state prison (period unspecified)
---Any person 21 years of age or older who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is under 16 years of age is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony
>Up to one year in a county jail or by imprisonment in the state prison for two, three, or four years"

the rules are firm and should there be cause to go to court, it doesn't look good...in other words, don't have sex with a minor. period.

Also, sex was made for marriage rather than whenever we feel like it. To have sex outside of marriage there are lasting effects that don't go away and the person you marry may not appreciate your previous actions. Besides, sex is a sacred action meant to be treasured rather than abused as it is most of the time in the world today.

For me, I am saving my virginity and not going to kiss anyone until my wedding day. This is my choice and I feel that should I choose to treasure one portion of who I am why not treasure all of it?!

Ask yourself:
-What are you wanting from the relationship? Why?
-Are the actions you are doing harming you in the LONG run rather than at the moment?
-Where do you see yourself say 10 years from now? 20 years?
-What do YOU want for yourself? Why?
--How are you going to do that?

Sincerely,
Amber