saying goodbye

People come and go in life. Some stay for a while and then leave. Some come and go fairly quickly. Some come and don't want to leave but you end it instead of keeping them as your friend.

It's not always an easy decision to tell a good friend goodbye. This time it really was hard because they had been there for me over and over. Yet, every time we talked it seemed like I was a nuisance to them; like they were only being nice to me because they are a people pleaser. Sure, I may have had feelings for them but that was only because they had more of my trust than that which I had given myself. It was becoming overwhelming in ways that I can't explain. I had given them a piece of my heart by trusting them so much and I didn't like it. It was pathetic because we were only friends. Yes, we had kissed and made out a couple times, and cuddled but that was it. There was nothing there; I didn't expect there to be either.

My trust is not something I give out easily. I have been hurt and in situations where few understand and are able to not necessarily relate but I can't think of the word at the moment. i had given them a ton of my trust; more than enough actually. They still have a decent sized portion of my trust should we be friends again but I am doubtful such will happen.

Doubt fogs my thoughts and emotions all too often. I doubt that we will be friends again because of a few things:

1) my swaying back and forth with indecision about numerous things

2) contemplating breaking a promise made... if it were to be broken, friendship and trust would be lost

3) I am an emotional roller coaster within my thoughts even though it doesn't always come out

4) I have been sheltered my WHOLE life...

-have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, for that matter

-never kissed prior to my freshman/junior year at college

-will not have sex until marriage. Period.

-trust issues

-I come with baggage that I keep hidden from almost everyone

5) I have very, very little confidence in myself and in who I am
6) I think too much; way more than one should.

7) I am continually stressed.

8) I don't always hold my tongue and will lash out when unnecessary, even when I don't want to.

9) I often like people to listen to me and sometimes I really need to vent.

10) I question every single thing with "Why?" and "How?"

11) I am a people pleaser and seldom say "no" even when I need to.

The list could go on but I shall not do such as much of it would get emotionally burdening to the reader...

I have ended the friendship for real this time. I don't text them. I don't have them as a facebook friend. I don't communicate with them. This is how it is going to be.

I may be being stubborn and stupid but such is life.

Friends come and go just as the seasons change.

Life must go on.

Sincerely,

Amber