Change

There are some things in life that are certain: good things and rotten things, and of course there are some that which fall in the middle of good and rotten. These good things are uplifting and encouraging and positive while the rotten things eat away at one's soul, creating a monster that takes more work and energy and determination to change than that which it took to create. It is a path that many walk down not realizing it until it is too late.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to have numerous conversations about change and life with a really close friend. This friend and I are very similar and conversing with them gets me to think about things from a different perspective, a better point of view. With that said, I have come to realize that what I believe and think about who I am and what I have always thought is not exactly of truth; not easy to admit but it's true.

First of all, I was challenged to find something that I like to do and to go out and do it.

I like to exercise, sleep, study and read textbooks, and cuddle.

Secondly, it was suggested that I make a list and question and think about who I am, what is good about me, what is rotten about me, and what traits I admire in people. For every negative or rotten thing I wrote down, I had to have a good thing also written down; equal number of rotten things and good things. Some of the things I wrote down are:

-organized -ugly

-studious -fat

-respectful of others -don't respect myself

-devoted -inconsiderate

-faithful -too literal

-honest -masochistic

-truthful -burden to people

-have friends -feel alone

-think things through (usually) -think too much

-book smart -don't trust easily

-self-sufficient -stupid

-consistent -not optimistic

-have a boyfriend -feel unloved

-made Dean's list (3.5 GPA) -feel incompetent

-know some Spanish -don't believe much at all

-care too much -can't keep promises (usually)

-supposedly attractive -don't follow through

-can be confident -give up too easily

-goal-oriented -depressed

-I rely on people too much and too little

-I struggle to say no to people

-I can be stubborn

-I play hockey

-I like to be in control of some things

-I try to keep my distance from things, especially drama

-I can usually hide my emotions pretty well

Thirdly, there are traits that everyone admires about people and ultimately want to have. These traits are things like:

-confidence

-self-respect

-studious

-attractive

-thoughtful

-friendly

-optimistic

-persistent

-truthful

-honest

-responsible

-organized

-goal-oriented

-logical

-faithful

-questions things

-enduring

-caring

-loving

I know that I am not prefect by any means, even though I strive for perfection.

I need to continue telling myself that everyday is a new day. What happened yesterday does not have that much control on the present day; it's how one looks at the situation that matters. As my friend said "Completely new and concrete opportunity to rebuild your life."

With earnestness, truth, and desire, I am ever so slowly changing and rebuilding my life.

There are things that desperately need to change in my life and although it is scary and fairly unknown, it is needed and I will seek it.

Here's to falling into the unknown realm of change.

Sincerely,

Amber.