screaming out of fear or lacking of trust?

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb

I am tired of standing still in my life and not doing anything with my life but rather take the hits that life brought and let it beat me to a pulp. I do not nor can I live like that any longer. At first I was afraid of the whole growing slowly idea but currently, it is the fear of not growing at all that scares me.

Romans 8:38-39 NIV

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have come to realize that my fears are usually more psychologically based rather than physically based. In riding the numerous roller coasters and water slides at Silverwood Theme Park with Boulder Beach, I have figured out that although I claim to be afraid of heights and really don't enjoy water activities, I can still participate with those around me and not be injured or anything with doing such. For example, the After Shock roller coaster, if you can even call it that, in my opinion, is insane. I was scared to death of getting on it because it flips upside down, backwards, sudden drops and climbs but I still got on it. Granted, I screamed the entire time and then some, and came off the climb, barely I might add, as white as ghost scaring those around me, I am glad that I took that leap of faith? Trust? Leap of something. You are prolly wondering if I am still scared of heights and all and the answer is YES! but I have no real reason to be scared when ultimately there probably wouldn't be any physical harm caused. Though I will say that all the adrenaline definitely was, well, it was intense. Whether I wake up with my voice still barely present or not, I do not know.

I do know, however, that fear is temporary and likewise for pain, both physically and mentally.

There are some things that we must overcome in order to proceede forward, one of which is the fear of the unknown. One never fully or even partially understands or experiences or moves forward when they are standing still. With the prior example of roller coasters, I had no idea what to expect other than the usual sitting down, screaming, going up and down, and around corners. Each ride came with its own experience, some more intense than others, but an experience nonetheless. I have found out just today that if I don't take that leap of faith or whatever and go into the unknown at least every once in a while, I will lack the knowledge that could potentially be acquired.

I am very glad I went and screamed and experienced Silverwood's roller coasters because they relate to life in so many ways it is rediculous, beyond belief!!

So what is stopping me from moving forward from this stand still position of complacency?

Is it my own fear? Is it my lack of faith? Is it my lack of trust?

Change me oh god, to help me move forward to a more positive and enriching life with which I do not gravitate towards things of negative and harming connotations.